Friday, March 16, 2007

Jaded Urbanite Scoffs at Discovery of New Species

(New York) Today Barry Rosenblatt hit up the Drudge Report as he does every day from his office, searching for scandal and miscellaneous slime appealing to the prurient interest. What he found was a link to some e-rag from England about some stupid-ass animal. "What is this shit? It can't even do anything!" Rosenblatt scoffed, "sheesh, at least wait until Siegfried and Roy sodomize it for a few months and get it to dance with strippers or jump through rings of fire or something before you waste my time with this crap. What is it with these new species anyway? I thought humans were supposed to be destroying the Earth's wildlife. For Pete's sake, what's taking so long? Shouldn't this thing be extinct by now so I don't have to hear about it? Who even cares about this crap, if I wanted to see animals I'd go to the Bronx Zoo. Once you've seen one stupid animal, you've seen them all. You can't even eat one of these things. What's the point? It's a stupidity is what it is, a stupidity."

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