Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Daily Wisdom For Life With Rex Larry Champion

I heard some of you nancy boys haven't been keeping with the program. I'm not impressed.

Now drop down and give me 50.

Don't worry guys, I wont be too hard on you. Part of it is my fault, I admit it. I've been too soft on you. So I need to be harder on you. Do you understand? Good.

Now give me 50.

I'm not going to stand out here and call myself a Life Coach without meaning it. Last time I checked the dictionary, the word Coach was part of Life Coach, so I'm going to honor a self-promise I made long ago, back when I was nobody, stuffing envelopes for the 'male enhancement' marketing blitz, wallowing away in the pity of lost days and missed glory. Never again would I fail to be all that I could be. You might hate me. I want you to hate me. That's alright. You don't see it, but YOU ARE ME! Do you understand? I'm not going to let you slip away. Not this time, not again, never again! This is all for your own good, boys. It's time to take your medicine.

Now give me 50!

You weakling nancy boys need a wake up call. This isn't a game, it's your life. Are you ready? I can't hear you! You'd better be ready because today I'm going to help you TAKE IT UP A NOTCH for LIFE.

Today's lesson is about THE OTHER GUY.

Personal growth, personal success, personal finance. It's all pure crap. No man is an island.

Your numbers don't mean jack shit.

Your numbers don't mean jack shit!!


Ok Einstein, listen up because I'm only going to say this once:

You'll never know how you STACK UP without finding out about THE OTHER GUY.

THE OTHER GUY will never give away the information you need, so you need to work for it. Work it out. Pump it.

Invest in a good spy camera and buy a keyboard stroke monitor. Always keep a comb, needle-nose pliers and a length of twine in your glove compartment because you never know when you'll need it. Go to your local spy shop and load up on gear. You need the right tools for the job.

Never be unprepared.

Trust no one.

Every man is the enemy.


Great session today! Keep working on the program and before long, you'll be able to hang with THE BIG BOYS. Until next time, this has been Daily Wisdom For Life With Rex Larry Champion.


Tyler from Florida said...

Dear Rex Larry Champion,

I'm an avid reader of your column, and have devoted the better part of the last 2 1/2 days to pumping it up a notch.

My question is that I'm concerned about my health. I've noticed that after pumping it up a notch I frequently experience swelling in my lymph nodes. Yesterday my right thigh started seizing up like an epileptic at a screening of Pokemon. I'm also unable to perform sexually unless someone stars playing a Cole Porter tune on the harmonica. Do you know what might be wrong with me?

Rex Larry Champion said...

Try more roids and eating a larger bowl of Wheaties for breakfast. Try Viagra for your sexual dysfunction and if that doesn't work, hire Toots Thielman.