Saturday, April 28, 2007
A Word From Javier Marcos Fantastico
Rex Larry Champion is away for the week at a nutrition conference. I’ll be filling in for him.
I want to talk to you guys about something important, man to man.
Can you guess what it is?
HIV/AIDs? The dangers of drunk driving? Date rape?
No, it’s none of those. I want to talk to you about something that’s happening in Major League Baseball and how it effects your life.
It’s a well known fact that Major Leaguers use certain, things, to improve their athletic abilities.
Now the GOVERNMENT wants to take control of the situation and take it out of the hands of the individual ball clubs and the fans.
When I was going for my associate's at Heald, I found out there’s something called jurisdiction. If you’re like me, you probably thought it had something to do with dicks, but it doesn’t. It means the Mexican police can’t bust me for something I do in San Diego and vice versa.
We need a new system for Major League Baseball, we need a REVOLUTION. We need to take the government out of baseball’s business for good.
I propose that every baseball team gets its own country.
If we form the Republic of the Dodgers, they can’t come in and take nobody’s juice from them. It also means that in the parking lot, they can’t come take anything from us fans either.
Do you realize what that would mean?
Think about it.
That’s what I’m talking about.
Please join with me, Javier Marcos Fantastico, in petitioning Bud Selig to secede from the United States of America to create a more perfect union for Major League Baseball.
Dear Commissioner Selig,
As fans of Major League Baseball, we have faithfully supported the sport through ups and downs, through thick and thin, though rain delays, strikes and scandals. Now the fans are asking something in return. A grave danger threatens to tear at the very fiber of MLB, and that danger is the federal government. We don’t want our children to grow up in a future without Barry Bonds-like slugging power, or with tailgate parties without the basics. NOW is the time to act, before it is too late. We, the fans of MLB hereby request that you draft a declaration of independence to form a more perfect union, the Republic of Major League Baseball. A new sovereign nation is the only way to prevent the US government from encroaching upon the freedoms of players to train as they see fit, and of fans to enjoy games as they see fit.
[sign your name here, and mail to Allan H. (Bud) Selig c/o MLB, 245 Park Avenue, 31st Floor, New York, NY 10167]