

"As long as he can talk to my dead relatives, he can spend as much as he wants on his hair." - Amorphous mustached Onion character, postal clerk.

"John Edwards is a nancy boy. Fancy haircuts are no way to take your campaign up a notch. If that nancy boy is serious about achieving ultimate performance for maximum votes, he should stick to the system, the RL Champion Ultimate Turbo 20-Notch System." -Rex Larry Champion

"You should see how much Jonathan Antin charged me for my last full-body cut. Edwards got off easy." -Sasquatch

"John Edwards worked hard to con those knob-gobblers into contributing to his campaign, he can waste their money however he sees fit." -Harry The Partridge
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