Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Rules For Refinement By Harry The Partridge

The Superior Gentleman Must Possess:

A healthy disdain for the common man

A love of distinctive cheeses

A mighty set of jowls

A rolodex that reads like a who's who of the men about town and the women they pay for companionship

An air of superiority forever unsullied by facts and figures or the workings of lesser men

An appreciation of all things esoteric

A disarming avowal of affinity for one or more carefully selected commonplace objects such as Coca-Cola, furry dice, or McDonalds hamburgers

A vague and cryptic way of speaking, always with intense eye contact

Attention to detail, matching socks and cufflinks

An extensive knowledge of wine and of places around the world that no average man would care to visit, but which you have graced thrice

A lack of interest in the affairs of those bellow you

An elevated taste in music and art

A loathing of all who don't share in your tastes

An impeccable sense of timing

A cane, scepter or other prop with which to strike fear into the hearts of your fellow man

A cache of stories and jokes that are little more than thinly veiled barbs at your enemies, to be told indignantly and often

A stable of well-kept sycophantic courtiers to continuously remind you of your superiority and moral virtue

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