Monday, April 9, 2007

**Exclusive** Don Imus Enters Rehab

A publicist for nationally syndicated radio windbag Don Imus has confirmed it. Don Imus this afternoon checked himself into an illustrious rehab facility in Palm Springs, Florida.

Imus caused an uproar this week by calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos". Kowtowing to pressure from civil rights leaders including the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson, CBS and NBC both announced they will be suspending Imus from the airwaves for 2 weeks due to his racist remarks.

News of Imus' entry into the luxurious Florida treatment facility casts doubt onto whether he will return to reclaim his chair at the end of the alloted 2 week punishment. An Imus aide speaking on the condition of anonymity told reporters from Writing Rendezvous that Imus was looking forward to "at least a good month or two of swimming, massage, tennis, and gourmet food delivered poolside while he sorts out his demons."

"I'm sorry for what I said, ok?" Imus told Al Sharpton earlier today "I'm not a racist. I have a problem with addiction. Now, if you'll please excuse me. Can you get your assistant, sugar tits over there, to get my keys, I have a plane to catch."


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