Friday, April 6, 2007
Q: Sasquatch, have you heard the one about the paleontologist and the proctologist out on a date?
A: No, but I'm sure they found true love, they have a lot in common. They're both obsessed with looking up my ass.
Q: What do you make of Rudy Guliani's penchant for dressing in drag?
A: He seems like a nice enough chap, but I think the man is misinformed. We should all agree he'd find a more comfortable home on Downing Street than on Pennsylvania Ave.
Q: Speaking of the limeys, what do you think about the 15 British servicemen and woman held captive and released by Iran this week?
A: I think Ayatollah Ali Khamenei needs to invest in a few good tailors, those suits looked horrible. Just goes to show what can happen when you don't allow jews in your country.
Q: Do you think there will ever be peace and stability in the middle east?
A: Hahahaha, oh sorry, you were being serious. Let's just say I see Madeline Albright winning a bikini contest before I see that.
Q: What do you like to drink?
A: Goat's blood or brandy on the rocks, it depends on the occasion and what kind of mood I'm in.
Q: Strange. Mel Gibson gave me that same answer when I asked him the same.
A: You know Mel is gay, don't you? Like that's any secret in this town. Ha.
Q: I know Tom Cruise is, but Mel?
A: Yeah, Mel's batting for the wrong team. I met him in rehab, he's a great guy, but he's queer. When I met him he was pretending to be a proctologist.
Q: I think I'm going to just ignore the last part of that. So anyway, uhh, yeah. So Sasquatch, you were in rehab?
A: Yeah, I kicked a midget down a flight of stairs and my publicist said it would be a smart career move if I checked into rehab for a while.
Q: That's horrible. You kicked a midget?
A: Matt Serra was in my way, what's a proto-ape supposed to do?
Q: Are you normally a violent creature?
A: It's funny you ask. You know, those revisionist naturalists over at the Discovery Channel are waging a smear campaign against me. I'm misunderstood, I'm a gentle giant, I'm a vegetarian so they say. NO I'M NOT! I'm a savage beast. I like to feast on uncooked flesh and I've been known to rough up a hooker or two in my day.
Q: Wow. You and Mel must have really hit it off.
Q: Sasquatch, what does the world need now?
A: Love, sweet love.
Q: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
A: I'm a sasquatch, I usually go unclothed.
Q: Would you consider yourself a nudist then?
Q: What do you think of the genocide in Darfur?
A: I think George Clooney isn't doing enough to stop it.
Q: Are you going to go watch Ocean's 13 when it comes out this summer?
A: Hell yeah.
Q: I'm getting kind of hungry, lets say we go get a bite to eat, do you know any good places around here?
A: How about Wendy's?