Ask Sasquatch

Q: Sasquatch, have you heard the one about the paleontologist and the proctologist out on a date?
A: No, but I'm sure they found true love, they have a lot in common.  They're both obsessed with looking up my ass.



Q: What do you make of Rudy Guliani's penchant for dressing in drag?
A: He seems like a nice enough chap, but I think the man is misinformed.  We should all agree he'd find a more comfortable home on Downing Street than on Pennsylvania Ave.

Q: Speaking of the limeys, what do you think about the 15 British servicemen and woman held captive and released by Iran this week?
A: I think Ayatollah Ali Khamenei needs to invest in a few good tailors, those suits looked horrible.  Just goes to show what can happen when you don't allow jews in your country.

Q: Do you think there will ever be peace and stability in the middle east?
A: Hahahaha, oh sorry, you were being serious.  Let's just say I see Madeline Albright winning a bikini contest before I see that.

Q: What do you like to drink?
A: Goat's blood or brandy on the rocks, it depends on the occasion and what kind of mood I'm in.

Q: Strange.  Mel Gibson gave me that same answer when I asked him the same.
A: You know Mel is gay, don't you?  Like that's any secret in this town.  Ha.

Q: I know Tom Cruise is, but Mel?
A: Yeah, Mel's batting for the wrong team.  I met him in rehab, he's a great guy, but he's queer.  When I met him he was pretending to be a proctologist.

Q: I think I'm going to just ignore the last part of that.  So anyway, uhh, yeah.  So Sasquatch, you were in rehab?
A: Yeah, I kicked a midget down a flight of stairs and my publicist said it would be a smart career move if I checked into rehab for a while.

Q: That's horrible.  You kicked a midget?
A:  Matt Serra was in my way, what's a proto-ape supposed to do?

Q: Are you normally a violent creature?
A: It's funny you ask.  You know, those revisionist naturalists over at the Discovery Channel are waging a smear campaign against me.  I'm misunderstood, I'm a gentle giant, I'm a vegetarian so they say. NO I'M NOT!  I'm a savage beast.  I like to feast on uncooked flesh and I've been known to rough up a hooker or two in my day.

Q: Wow.  You and Mel must have really hit it off.
A. Ha!

Q: Sasquatch, what does the world need now?
A: Love, sweet love.

Q: Do you wear boxers or briefs?
A: I'm a sasquatch, I usually go unclothed.

Q: Would you consider yourself a nudist then?
A: Yes.

Q: What do you think of the genocide in Darfur?
A: I think George Clooney isn't doing enough to stop it.

Q: Are you going to go watch Ocean's 13 when it comes out this summer?
A: Hell yeah.

Q: I'm getting kind of hungry, lets say we go get a bite to eat, do you know any good places around here?
A: How about Wendy's?

Q: Ok.