Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Psychologist Lies About Time To Get Rid of Client Who Keeps Referencing Dr. Phil

Dr. Stanley Melvinwitz charges his clients $230 for 50 minutes. Last friday however, he admits that he kicked a client out after only 40 minutes. "I couldn't take it anymore, so I lied, I just looked at my watch and said 'sorry, our time is up for today'. This wacko kept on bringing up nonsense he saw on Dr. Phil. Doctor Phil said this, Doctor Phil said that, what do you think about Doctor Phil's relationship advice? Do you think his weight loss book will work for me? I saw something on Doctor Phil that I want to discuss with you. Blah blah blah blah blah. I'll tell you, I wanted to vomit all over my plastic potted plant. That guy needs some help!"

Being a psychologist, Dr. Melvinwitz has heard it all and generally faces each client's words with the same detached clinical objectivity no matter how objectionable, incoherent or grandiose they may be. Apparently, his patience has a limit.

"I scrapped Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy a long time ago after realizing it was bad for the bottom line, but I'm thinking I might need to bring it back for this particular client. Calling him a shithead to his face, excuse me, challenging his irrational beliefs in a forceful but constructive way, will either succeed in helping him learn that watching Doctor Phil is a self-defeating behavior pattern that keeps him from attaining his goals, or (and I'm hoping for the second outcome) he'll get angry at me and stop coming to therapy!"

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