Sunday, July 15, 2007

Introducing RL Champion Performance Nutrition. The Dream Is Now™

Are you sick of going to Mexico to sell your body as a male prostitute just to pay for your roids? Wouldn't it be great if you could get ripped like Jay Cutler or take it up a notch like Barry Bonds, all without risking failed drug tests and adverse side effects like testicular shrinkage, acne, and "roids rage"? Until now, this was just a pipe dream. Now tomorrow is here, today. Introducing RL Champion Performance Nutrition. The most POTENT formulas in the world have arrived. Prepare yourself for RL Champion Performance Nutrition. The Dream Is Now™

Ultimate Oil

You've probably heard of Flax Oil and Fish Oil. I wont deny it, they have Omega-3s in them. Pretty impressive, right? I'm not impressed. What if I told you there was an oil with Omega-50s, would you still be impressed by Omega-3? That's right, that's what I'm talking about. You wont find Omega-50s in Flax Oil or Fish Oil. There's only ONE oil in the world that can deliver such a high level of Potency for Ultimate Performance. For years, THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT. Now, RL Champion Performance Nutrition is finally blowing the lid on a product so powerful, it can only be called revolutionary. RL Champion Performance Nutrition proudly presents PEOPLE OIL* You're not a fish so why would you settle for fish oil? RL Champion Performance Nutrition PEOPLE OIL, the world's most POTENT oil with Omega-50.

*Don't let the name fool you, no harm is done to any people to extract this special fluid. RL Champion Nutrition uses a proprietary technique to extract this fluid that is completely safe and harmless. Every batch then goes through a patented multistep process to ensure ultimate purity for ultimate potency and performance. Flax Oil can go rancid and Fish Oil can contain dangerous heavy metals like lead and mercury. PEOPLE OIL can be stored at room temperature for up to five years and like all RL Champion Performance Nutrition products it is guaranteed to be 110% pure.

Ultimate C

We've all heard of Vitamin C. Pretty basic, right? Well you haven't done C until you've tried RL Champion Performance Nutrition Perfor-manC. Perfor-manC is 35,000,000,000 times more potent than regular Vitamin C. In clinical trials, just one capsule of Perfor-manC was enough to kill a mouse. If Perfor-manC can kill a mouse, just think how powerful it will be against bacteria and viruses. With Perfor-manC, you might just never get sick again.

Ultimate Antioxidant

Alpha Lipoic Acid has gotten a lot of attention lately as the versatile antioxidant which is both water and fat soluble. As an added bonus it even recycles other antioxidants such as C, E and CoQ10. Now, RL Champion Performance Nutrition has taken Alpha Lipoic Acid up a notch. Introducing Alpha Lipoic Acid 2. In addition to its predecessor's fat and water soluble properties, Alpha Lipoic Acid 2 is also air-soluble. Because it can cross the blood-brain barrier, this sup is the perfect choice for all of those blondes out there. Once Alpha Lipoic Acid 2 enters the vacuum in the cranial cavity, it bonds with air molecules and can improve cognitive performance. Alpha Lipoic Acid 2 might not make you Shakespeare, but it is the most POTENT antioxidant on the market today.

Ultimate Sports

The other guys try to sell their garbage products with flashy images of Matt Hughes or Chuck Liddell. It's pure marketing. I don't think NOXCG3 helped Rich Franklin when he was getting his nose rearranged by Anderson Silva. RL Champion Performance Nutrition doesn't spend money on marketing, we spend money on Ultimate Research and Development and Ultimate Manufacturing to insure that you, the consumer, get the most POTENT supplements available at the fairest price. While the other guys were busy paying models to promote their junk products, we were quietly developing a revolutionary new matrix that is going change the industry, forever. Introducing RL Champion Performance Nutrition UltraNano NO5XEGCG3000. This stack isn't an evolution of the NO concept, it represents an entirely new supplement class. Using nano technology, we were able to take our carbon up a notch to create a truly next generation free carbon hydro-nitro-turbo-max ion-exchange system. What this means for you is 10,000,000 times more PERFORMANCE than the old stuff. Your pumps will EXPLODE when you go on UltraNano NO5XEGCG3000. Comes in Strawberry, Dutch Chocolate, and Banana.

RL Champion Bars

Lets face it, some guys don't have time to eat. That's why I created RL Champion Bars. If you tried to survive on the those other bars, you'd probably have to take in 15-20 a day just to meet your basic nutrition needs. That's why I created a single bar to get you through the whole day. RL Champion Bars. The Dream Is Now™

Nutritional Information:
Serving Size: 1 Bar
Calories: 6000
Protein: 500 g (Including 120 g BCAA + 75 g l-glutamine)
Total fat: 100 g
Saturated fat: 80 g
Trans fat: 0 g
Cholesterol: 20 g
Sodium: 8000 mg
Total Carbohydrates: 300 g
Sugar: 295 g
Fiber: 0 g

Ingredients: Evaporated cane juice, dutched cocoa (sugar, cocoa butter, chocolate liquor, guar gum, sodium sorbate) ultimate whey protein isolate blend, whey protein concentrate, crisped soy, casein extract, vanillin, blood, sweat, tears. Contains less than 2%: people oil, sodium, artificial flavor, aspartame, proprietary hGH precursor blend, UltraNano NO5XEGCG3000, shards of broken glass to micro-abrade gum tissue for increased absorption and performance, milk solids, sodium benzoate (to preserve freshness).

We've all heard of Vitamin A and Vitamin C. Never heard of Vitamin F before? How about Vitamin L? No? That's ok, they didn't exist... UNTIL NOW. RL Champion Performance Nutrition is proud to present Vitamins F-M plus three new B's. The missing vitamins are finally here, EXCLUSIVELY HERE. The Dream Is Now™

Vitamin B-10
Vitamin B-10 is one of the essential B Vitamins THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. Let's face it, if you discovered something this powerful, why would you share it? The fact is, the scientists who first discovered B-10 in the late 1980's kept it all to themselves. That's why you've never heard of B-10 before now. While you nancy boys have been wallowing away in self-pity, those scientists have been living like kings in Europe, all thanks to the power of B-10. Wouldn't you love to have access to the same wonder-vitamin that gave those scientists a lifestyle most guys can only dream about? Thanks to our aggressive R&D program, RL Champion Performance Nutrition has made a major breakthrough and rediscovered B-10. Unlike those other guys, I decided to share it with the world. For the first time ever, Vitamin B-10 is for sale to the public. Prepare yourself. The world will never be the same. The Dream is Now™

Vitamin B-11
B-11 is B-10's cousin. They work together like a fireman holding his partner's ladder. If you want to boost the performance of B-10, combine it with B-11 for beyond ultimate results and beyond ultimate performance. B-11 takes all of the old-fashioned B vitamins up a notch too.

Vitamin B-20
B-20 is the undisputed heavyweight champion of B vitamins. I wasn't going to release this bad boy because I thought it would be too potent for most guys to handle. Double the potency of Vitamin B-10, Vitamin B-20 is the most potent B Vitamin in the world, bar none. After careful consideration, I decided to make this one available after all. You're going to thank me, no doubt. You're going to thank me for this one.

Vitamin F
A landmark study conducted at the RL Champion Institute of Applied Sciences isolated Vitamin F for the first time which lead to another amazing discovery. It was shown that over 98% of the nutritional value in fruit actually comes from Vitamin F. All this time you've been wasting your time and money on those other vitamins, thinking they will give you the nutrition of fruit. In reality you have only been getting 2%. Everyone knows that it's healthy to eat a lot of fruit, but lets face it, most guys just don't get around to it. With the discovery of Vitamin F, you can have 98% of the nutrition of fruit in an easy and convenient form. RL Champion Performance Nutrition is very proud to offer the world's first Vitamin F supplement. The Dream Is Now™

Anti-Vitamin G
Vitamin G is for girls. We don't manufacture Vitamin G. Instead, we manufacture a Vitamin G antagonist that blocks Vitamin G from functioning in the body. This exclusive Anti-Vitamin G formula is extremely effective in reducing weakness, Gynecomastia (man tits), mood swings, and impulse shoe shopping. All nancy boys should be on an aggressive Anti-Vitamin G program.

Vitamin H
A lot of guys have under-developed hamstrings. This condition is a direct result of Vitamin H deficiency. Take your hamstring curls up a notch and increase your sprinting speed with Vitamin H.

Vitamin I
Vitamin I prevents all kinds of injuries, from basic back injuries to severe motorcycle injuries. Vitamin I supports blood clotting and tissue regeneration for a new you. For a lot of guys, Vitamin I is the only shot they have at getting back on top. Don't wait. Get your Vitamin I today before it sells out.

Vitamin J
Vitamin J is positioned to become one of the best-selling supplements of all time. We are in the final stages of development and it should be available beginning late summer. Please check back frequently for updates.

Vitamin L
Vitamin L. Think LIFE. This may be the most important vitamin ever discovered. Lets face it, for most guys everlasting life is just a pipe dream. Most guys live for a while and then they die. Vitamin L changes all of that. Take Vitamin L and you will live forever.

Vitamin M
Think MAX. This vitamin is the MAX. MAXimum performance. MAXimum potency. MAXimum results. MAXimum satisfaction. Go with the MAX. Vitamin M. MAX it out.

A note about standards:
The other guys sell junk products that are usualy
USP (United States Pharmacopia), EP (European Pharmaceutical) or JP (Japanese Pharmaceutical) Grade. These low standards just don't stack up. So I created a new standard. Introducing RLCP (Rex Larry Champion Pharmacopia) Grade: minimum 110% purity. All products sold by RL Champion Performance Nurtition are guaranteed to meet or exceed the new RLCP standard. Don't settle for less. The Dream Is Now™


Rachael B said...

whre do you guys come up with this crap??? You are HILARIOUS!!!!!!

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