RL Champion Ultimate Success Stories Vol.1

I spend a lot of time lecturing you guys about getting RESULTS with the RL Champion Ultimate Turbo 20-Notch System™, but I recently discovered a shocking secret that changes everything FOREVER.

As it turns out, not everybody is a good listener. It's not that you guys aren't trying to understand the POWER of the SYSTEM, but get this: I know I don't usually admit to being wrong, I'm perfect after all, but this time I have to admit it: I have some room for improvement. It's not easy but there I said it. I counted on you guys listening and understanding, but my message is just too powerful for most guys to comprehend. That's how this all got started.

Beginning today, I'm going to keep lecturing you to work the RL Champion Ultimate Turbo 20-Notch System™ (you're not getting off THAT easy, ha! Ease causes gynecomastia and Prius ownership, I won't ever let THAT happen to my loyal readers). But from now on, in addition to TELLING you the benefits of working the System™, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU- real life success stories of guys who have taken it up a notch by working the System, The RL Champion Ultimate Turbo 20-Notch System™

Obama Reelection Speech Leaked

Full Text:

Many things have happened. History.

[pause for applause]

4 years ago I stood before you. I was a little more handsome, had a little less grey in my hair.

[flash smile]

[pause for applause]

From Michigan to Minnesota, from Delaware to Dubai, Harlem to Haiti, from Amsterdam to Atlanta, Los Angeles to Laos, Liverpool to Lexington, Texas to Tennessee, from Kentucky to Katmandu, New York to New Haven, from the great planes of Nebraska to the sweeping skyline of Shanghai, from valley to valley, mountaintop to mountaintop, from Australia to Anchorage, Illinois to Idaho, from Montreal to Mexico, Miami to Mali, from Mozambique to Moscow, Vermont to Vienna, from Gettysburg to Greensboro.

[pause for applause]

When I took office Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. I saved us from a great depression. We're adding good private sector jobs *cough cough*, no seriously folks, no joke *cough*. Ted Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, Ted Kennedy. China-never uh mind, uh. I shot those pirates, remember? Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. Iraq cost us a trillion dollars. Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. The Bush-Cheney recession. Iraq. I delivered change, to uh, well, Tunisia. I love the troops. I make love to the troops. Support the troops. Honor. Troops. Troops. Troops. Marines. Army. Navy. Coast Guard. Army Reserve. ROTC. Pimply faced kids playing Call of Duty 4 on xBox-360 who will soon be recruited to fly our UAVs. Education, I know I didn't get around to it, but I planned to, I swear. 4 more years. 4 more years. 4 more years. We're winning the war in Iran, a strong America will never replace the commander in chief during wartime. Strength. Unity Unity Unity. Winning. Tiger Blood. Republicans want to kill your grandma.

[pause for applause]

From Sacramento to Sarasota, from Iceland to India, Brazil to Bolivia, from Puerto Rico to Portugal, from Dublin to Des Moines, Arizona to Alaska, from Cleveland to California, from Newark to the Netherlands, the Philippines to the Falkland Islands, from Monaco to Madagascar, from Algeria to Albania, from Mississippi to Montgomery, from Arkansas to Albany.

[pause for applause]

Thank You and may God continue to bless these United States... ... ... ... of America.

Romney Prepares For 2012 Bid

Mike Huckabee Scraps 2012 Bid to Audition For America's Got Talent

Donald Trump Launches Bid For 2012

Obama Begins Bid for 2012

American people furious after Daniel Ellsberg arrested outside White House

An anonymous protester wearing an army uniform and a 'Don't Tread On Me' trucker hat spoke to Harry The Partridge upon leaving an anti-war rally that led to 100 arrests including the arrest of drug-loving sex pervert Daniel Ellsberg. "We've had enough of these strong-arm tactics from President Nixon, we have a right to peaceably assemble and voice our opposition to war here on the 8th anniversary of the Iraq War. Daniel Ellsberg has commit no crime. We have a duty as patriotic American citizens to voice our objections to the treatment of Brad Manning. Nixon's own State Department Spokesman called the treatment "ridiculous, counterproductive and stupid". We all expected so much more from President Nixon, it seems very little has actually changed since George Bush. We are deeply concerned for Ellsberg's safety as Henry Kissinger has been calling for Ellsberg and Michael Moore to be killed. We call on President Nixon to respect the constitution he swore to uphold. Nixon must allow antiwar protester to peaceably assemble, exercise their right to free speech, grant Bradley Manning a speedy trial, and rein in the DoD's use of cruel and unusual punishment. We further call on President Nixon to reject P.J. Crowley's resignation for telling the truth, and to denounce Kissinger's calls to kill or defame political opponents. We voted for change and it's high time President Nixon delivers on some of his promises."