Obama Begins Bid for 2012

American people furious after Daniel Ellsberg arrested outside White House

An anonymous protester wearing an army uniform and a 'Don't Tread On Me' trucker hat spoke to Harry The Partridge upon leaving an anti-war rally that led to 100 arrests including the arrest of drug-loving sex pervert Daniel Ellsberg. "We've had enough of these strong-arm tactics from President Nixon, we have a right to peaceably assemble and voice our opposition to war here on the 8th anniversary of the Iraq War. Daniel Ellsberg has commit no crime. We have a duty as patriotic American citizens to voice our objections to the treatment of Brad Manning. Nixon's own State Department Spokesman called the treatment "ridiculous, counterproductive and stupid". We all expected so much more from President Nixon, it seems very little has actually changed since George Bush. We are deeply concerned for Ellsberg's safety as Henry Kissinger has been calling for Ellsberg and Michael Moore to be killed. We call on President Nixon to respect the constitution he swore to uphold. Nixon must allow antiwar protester to peaceably assemble, exercise their right to free speech, grant Bradley Manning a speedy trial, and rein in the DoD's use of cruel and unusual punishment. We further call on President Nixon to reject P.J. Crowley's resignation for telling the truth, and to denounce Kissinger's calls to kill or defame political opponents. We voted for change and it's high time President Nixon delivers on some of his promises."

Breaking News: French Surrender

Libya(Sasquatch Wire) Obama's broad coalition just got narrower as the French surrendered Sunday. Faced with the menacing threat of several unibrowed youths throwing stones and molotov cocktails roughly in the direction of French fighter jets, Nicolas Sarkozy phoned Obama to declare "enough is enough".

Charlie Sheen Doesn’t Know the Meaning of Winning By Rex Larry Champion

I know Harry The Partridge might not agree, but roughing up hookers and banging seven gram rocks is no way to win.

There is only one way to win. And that is by winning. And the only way to do THAT is by working the system. The RL Champion Ultimate Turbo 20-Notch System.

I have something better than tiger blood. I have chetah blood, man.

Chetahs are faster than tigers. So who’s really winning?

Charlie Sheen only thinks his winning, but like most nancy boys he’s really losing. Bi-losing, tri-losing, I’ve lost count. He’s losing here, losing there, losing everywhere, man.

After a few years that “winning” tattoo is going to look as cool as a “where’s the beef?” tattoo, or a certain “Billy Bob” tattoo- you know who you are.

If you ever played arcade games at Round Table Pizza back in the 80’s, you know that Winners Don’t Use Drugs.

WTF

Protest sign depicting Mubarak as Hitler, Satan and.... The Laughing Cow??

Breaking News: Putin Hits The Jackpot?

Aladdin's Castle (Sasquatch Wire) Vladimir Putin just won 500 tickets at Skee Ball. The de facto Russian dictator expressed momentarily delight before discovering he would need an additional 64,500 tickets to afford the glistening iPod Nano locked away in the arcade’s display case. Unsatisfied with the choices of a Chinese finger trap and an apple flavored Jolly Rancher, Putin traded the remaining 15,000 Rubles in his wallet for more tokens in hopes he could at least end the day with a Beanie Baby or at bare minimum, a Spiderman Pez dispenser. Russian expert Sasquatch warns the frustrated leader may resort to KGB tactics and return to the site after dark with plastic explosives to get that damned iPod.

Putin Midlife Crisis Update

Again, sometimes words are not needed.